I wish I was this funny.
I watched Saturday Night Live recently, and the show featured a video of a couple of white guys rapping about their trip to see The Chronicles of Narnia.

I thought it was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

You can watch it here:

SNL Narnia Rap Video

BIG K ONG
Okay, I'll admit it: I've never seen the original version of King Kong in its entirety. It's one of those movies that I've seen bits and pieces of several times, as it has appeared on TV over the years.

But I knew the story, and I knew the ending, so I didn't really care too much.

Most Patient Wife and I went to see Peter Jackson's version of the movie, and let me tell you up front that it's everything the critics say it is: stupendous, fantastic, sensational, incredible. If you want the short edition of this review of the movie, you can stop reading here. But there's more.



The movie was pretty good. I really had a lot of fun in certain parts of it, but to tell the truth it dragged in a few areas for me. But I don't think it's all Jackson's fault.

In fact, I blame James Cameron. Because my problems with Kong are the same I had with Titanic. And the Lord of the Rings. And later with the Spider-man movies: it's too big. There's too much in there that has little or nothing to do with the story.

Now, Cameron's Titanic may not be the first extreme movie, but it stands out to me as the the first big excessive epic that took a simple story and decompressed it, making it a bloated, effects-ridden cinematic parasite that lives off the plot of the story.

In the original movie, Kong fights a dinosaur or two. In this movie, that's not enough. We have to see Kong battle so many dinosaurs (in a manner that is reminiscent of professional wrestling) that after a couple of minutes of it, I stopped being impressed and just wished that they would get on with the story already.

He's big. He's strong. He fights with passion to defend the girl. Cool. We get it. Now let's move on.

All of that aside, there is a lot to like about this movie. The CGI of Kong is amazing. He looked big, powerful, vulnerable, happy and sad as the moment allowed. He was triumphant and tragic, just as I knew he would be.

The real treat of this movie, I felt, was the acting. MPW and I were talking about this, and I have to say that I belived all of the human characters of this film.

Ann Darrow as played by Naomi Watts was luminescent. And I'm not just talking about her looks. (Although I have to say that her skimpy costume deserves a Best Supporting nomination, because I swear her breasts were immobile in spite of a whole lot of body movement.)

Jack Black's portrayal of Carl Denham rang true for me, but I wished that he had paid a real price for his folly. It seems to me that he got off rather lightly considering everything he did.

Hayes, the first mate of the ship, was a guy I liked a lot. He was smart, tough, heroic and fun to watch.

There were a lot of fun moments of the film, and some truly scary bits as well. Without giving anything away, keep an eye out for the island people who board the boat; it was incredible.

All in all, I wish the movie was smaller. It felt to me that the reason most of the effects were in Kong merely because we now have the technology to create them.

Maybe it's that I'm a writer, but I really want more focus on story, plot and character -- and less on spectacle.

But go see it. There's enough fun to offset what I think are flaws in the storytelling.

On The Road Again
I'm taking a short break before heading home and going to bed for the day. I drove AngryTeen up north a ways to visit her grandparents, and on the way back I decided to stop in a few places in area towns to give out business cards to see if I can drum up some interviews for my newspaper assignment.

No luck. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to basically give away free space in the paper!

I worked at my group home job last night, so I'm pretty tired right now. I started my shift at 10 PM and it's noon as I type this.

Just about everyone with a blog has told the world what they got for Christmas, so I might as well do the same:

Most Patient Wife gave me an iPod Nano, a nice leather jacket and something else that I am spacing out right now due to lack of sleep. And a nice fleece sweatshirt from The World's Least Intimidating Health Club.

AngryTeen gave me a shirt. She gave MPW a nice Crhistmas ornament of her favorite Disney character -- Piglet. (Who, I must say, is severely under-represented in Pooh-related merchandise.)

I gave MPW some lotion from Bath and Body Works, and some CDs. But I was really happy to give her something great: I am taking her out to a bunch of plays and concerts next year. I bought a bunch of tickets to some shows that fit into our schedules and put them in a cheesy little purse-sized calendar.

The first show is The Rainmaker, in January. In February, I'm taking her to see the Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company one weekend, and later in the month, a concert by the local orchestra.

March will find us in the audience of The Hornheads, a group that worked with Prince for a long time.

In April, we're heading up to Duluth to see David Sedaris in concert and spending a night or two in my favorite city in the world.

The opera version of The Elephant Man is making its US premiere in May, and we're going.

I didn't plan anything for June, because MPW will be just finishing the school year, and I want to keep our options open. She has friends who live in another state, and she might want to take a trip there.

In July, the Broadway version of Wicked (the tale of the Wizard of Oz told from the witch's perspective) comes to Minnesota, and we're going.

August brings the state fair and the Renaissance Festival, and I'll bring her to whichever she chooses.

And from there, we'll just have to see. I want to take MPW out to a musical or theatrical event at least once per month. I bought as many of the tickets as I could -- some aren't available yet -- and the shows I don't have tickets for I bought CDs.

I love what I got for Christmas (I'm a little baffled as to how to use the iPod but I'll figure it out in the next few days when I've caught up on my sleep) but I can't tell you how exciting it was to put MPW's gift together over the past couple of months. I got a little stressed out a couple of times -- what if she doesn't like it? -- but it was all worth it!

AngryTeen didn't do too badly, either. She got a boom box, a lot of clothes, some books and a "Speech Meet Survival Kit" -- a duffel bag stuffed with travel-sized toiletries, a little pillow and a fleece blanket. She also got a class ring and a yearbook, which I insist is part of Christmas.

Even the kitties scored this year: we got them a multi-level perch, one of those things made of PVC piping and covered in carpet. Ginger, AKA Action Kitty, took up residence in the middle section and Lovey Gump likes to jump up to the top level and torment Ginger by batting her tail. They also got some primo catnip and a couple of other kitty toys.

We had a nice dinner on Christmas Day, and I have to say this was just about the best Christmas of my whole life. I am blessed with a wonderful wife and a daughter who is becoming a young woman right before my eyes. We all have our health, and gainful employment.

If there's more to ask for in this life, I can't imagine what it is.

But don't say anything to my wife about all of this. I have a reputation as a Christmas Crab to maintain.

The Ringer
Most Patient Wife and I went to see The Ringer, a movie about a guy pretending to be mentally disabled so he can compete in the Special Olympics.

It stars the incredibly obnoxious (and talent-challenged) Johnny Knoxville, and I was prepared to hate it.

But the folks who run the Special Olympics gave this movie their blessing, and it turns out that they even had a hand in producing it.

The movie has its ups and downs, including an ending that is about as believable as Santa Claus. But it has a lot of charm, and some very funny moments.

The best parts of The Ringer are the scenes with actors who are disabled. Some of these actors have Down's Syndrome, or varying degrees of mental retardation, or other developmental and physical disabilities.

There are a couple of actors without disabilities that are portaying characters with disabilities as well, but the result is a mice mix of humanity and humor -- and a surprising amount of authenticity.

As someone who has spent a good deal of his life working with people like this, I have to say that the writers Got It Right. Some of the characters are arrogant jerks, some are stubborn and silly, some are just good guys. Just like folks without disabilities.

Too many movies that have characters with disabilities in them treat those characters as angelic simpletons, somehow wiser than the audience, full of virtue and without fault.

The Ringer doesn't do that. There is some high brow, low brow and just plain sophomoric humor in this movie, but the characters are treated with respect.

Most Patient Wife and I both endorse this movie. It was fun! AngryTeen found a lot to laugh at, as well. Go see it.

It's hard to be crabby at this moment
Well. This is almost indescribably cool.

At the moment, I’m having a cup of coffee at one of my favorite places, Mississippi Bean. I’m typing this on a Compaq Presario notebook computer.

Which I just bought yesterday.

I’m all a-tingle.

Here’s what I was able to do today: I interviewed a guy for my newspaper assignment, took a few pictures with my digital camera and edited everything and emailed it to my editor. And I did this away from home. This means I have time for another interview -- because I won’t have to drive home first.

I have a few minutes before heading out to my second interview and photo session, which I’ll submit tonight.

More later!

'Tis The Season
I'm starting to do some trivia stuff in the next week or so. Even though X-mas is upon us, I still need to do a little planning.

Cuz, you see, I might not host a team this year.

The fact is, we need to have more people at our team's headquarters -- my house. We have a strong online contingent, but the physical running of the team takes more than four people.

So the call is going out: if you like trivia, we want you to play with us. We will welcome anyone to join our chat room so they can play online, but what we really need is bodies.

The game takes place on the weekend of February 9, 10, & 11. We have a big house with plenty of room and MPW and I both love having people over.

This is a trivia marathon that goes for 50 hours over the weekend. There are nine questions per hour, lots of crazy stuff going on, and good music. And of course, the hospitality of yours truly and my Most Patient Wife.


Let me know if you're interested in playing by sending me an email. The address is: mikesawin@yahoo.com

Come on...all the cool kids are doing it!

Holiday Hodge-podge
I had really good intentions about regular posting on the blog this month, but I've been a little busy, and frankly, I'm about Christmassed-out.

I want to like Christmas more than I do, and I try pretty hard to maintain the holiday spirit. But with the incessant litany of Christmas songs, the massive crowds everywhere I go, and -- just all of it, I just sort of shut down, grit my teeth and hope to God I make it through all of this without exploding.

I wish I could explain to people how it all makes me feel, but every time I try, I'm dismissed as a Scrooge or a Christmas Crab or a Grinch or whatever.

This has nothing to do with a lack of love for my fellow man, or with a lack of Christmas presents when I was a kid, or anything like that. It's the extremity of it all, and the relentlessness of it all.

I just want it to stop, and for God's sake there's still two weeks to go. It's a good thing that I don't drink or do drugs, because I'd start doing that stuff on November 1 and stay high until mid-January.

On the good side, I'm rather excited about what I'm getting for Most Patient Wife this year. I can't wait until after Christmas, so I can tell more folks about it.
AngryTeen is getting a class ring (when did those things get so damned expensive?), a yearbook, and some other stuff I won't divulge since she might actually read this.

And the kitties are getting a little something too.

So that part is good. Maybe if we could just dial down the world just a little, I wouldn't mind so much.

Speaking Of Recipes
The other night I made something I'm going to call Fiesta Chicken. I wanted something different from our normal routine, and the chicken was already thawed. I considered a chicken mole, but it looked too complicated to tackle at the moment. So instead I went with this.

All indredients are low or not fat, just to let you know.

Fiesta Chicken

Stuff you'll need:

Cut up chicken pieces, grilled

4 cups chicken broth
1/4 C sour cream
1/2 C Kraft Shredded Mexican Blend cheese
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon coriander
dash of pepper
dash of garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon of hot sauce of your choice.
(I used some mild jalepeno sauce, but just
about anything will do.)

What to do:

*Cook the chicken. I used our George Foreman
Grill. As it cooks, heat up the chicken broth.

*Once the broth is hot, add the sour cream and
stir it in. After that starts to simmer, add
the cheese shreds.

*It's important to keep stirring this until the
cheese is completely melted and dissolved into
the sauce.

*Add the spices and let it simmer for about five
minutes.

*Thicken the sauce. I used a couple of
teaspoons of cornstarch mixed in about a cup of
cold water.

*Reduce heat to low, and keep stirring until the
sauce is creamy. Add the cooked chicken to the
sauce and simmer for a few more minutes.

I served it over whole wheat penne pasta.

The beauty of this sauce is the light taste that is even better the next day.

The next time I serve this, I'm going to julienne and saute some onions and multi-colored peppers to go with this, and choose a lighter-textured pasta or seasoned rice.

This meal took me about thirty minutes once I hit the kitchen.

Most Patient Wife really enjoyed this, and so did AngryTeen. I wanted a little more spice to it, so I added some at the table.

Giggling Quietly In The Early Morning Hours
This morning, as Most Patient Wife snoozed away, I got up and wandered the house a while. After feeding the cats, I made my way to the computer for a quick surf and maybe work on the chapter of my latest project.

Then I was waylaid by The Sneeze. Folks, I haven't laughed so hard in a long, long time. But since MPW was trying to sleep, I had to do it quiet-like, so instead of guffawing, the sound was kind of close to that wheeze that Muttley used to do back in those Hanna-Barbera cartoons in the 70's.

Each and every entry of this site made me laugh, and some were just hilarious. Since I like cooking, I think my favorite bits are the Steve Don't Eat It! stuff.

Have you ever wondered what pickled pork rind tastes like? Or Beggin Strips?

Well, Steve goes there for you. And the result is so incredibly silly that I can't recommend it enough. (Some people might think the language is strong.)

One memorable entry is when Steve attempts to make wine using a recipe for people who are in prison, using materials that are available in lockdown. Steve became my hero with this line: somehow these ingredients went from sweet and child-like to harsh and alcoholic quicker than Lindsay Lohan.

If you need a laugh, I can't give a higher recommendation than The Sneeze.

Excuses, Excuses
Well, I've been gone for a while.

I was going strong with my National Novel Writers Month project, and got just over 25,000 words before I stopped.

There are a couple of good reasons: I picked up a lot of extra hours at work, and was runing out of time to write. By that I mean that I spent quite a few days either at work, driving to work, or sleeping. In fact, I was away from the keyboard completely for eleven days last month, which is unusual for me. I was really busy.

Another reason I stopped writing was that I scalded a few fingers on my left hand and was unable to type for a couple of days. I healed up nicely, but that first day was murder.

The last two reasons are excuses.

A. I no longer want to write long pieces for free. Sure, it could be argued that my Nano project could get turned into something that pays, but as I got further into the piece, I saw that while this was a fun exercise, it wasn't very compelling or interesting. So I turned my writing efforts to paying gigs.

(This piece has some good potential, but as it stands, a massive rewrite is in order.)

B. I wanted to do something in the month of November that was away from the computer. With my work schedule, there was no way I could do Nano as well without cheating myself and my family. If we were talking about a paying gig, or something I was really driven to do, that would be different. But Nano was a lark.

Add up the extra hours, the scalded fingers, and the rest, and there you have why I didn't finish Nano this year.

But I also didn't update, and I fell behind in my email correspondence. My writing routine went out the window -- and so did my sitting on the butt in front of the computer routine.

But we're back in the saddle again.