The Cautionary Tale Of The Short Life Of Baby
I lost a member of the family yesterday. She wasn’t with us long, but it was a sweet season. Baby and I went everywhere together – she loved to watch movies, surf the net, and play online games. She never complained about how much time I spent online, and she never hesitated – not once – no matter what I asked of her.

But as much as Baby liked to play, she was also super serious when it came time to work. She loved to visit different coffeehouses and work there, and sometimes she came to my job at the group home to help me get the final touch on a story or edit some photos. Baby did a great job with my newspaper stuff, and the fact that I could take her anywhere and work from other places than home made my job easier.

It’s the same old story, how Baby left us. Like many of her kind, Baby had a drinking problem. She just couldn’t handle it, and in the end, that’s what killed her.

When I found her on the desk, in a puddle of Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper (that delicious but indecisively-named beverage), Baby was unresponsive. She had died a few hours before, and after a few phone calls, I quickly determined that there was nothing to do to bring her back.

So, I’m just going to re-use what I can from Baby – power cords, Ethernet port, expanded memory, and maybe her hard drive – in the next laptop I buy. Baby wasn’t a top-of-the-line model, just a modest Compaq Presario V2000.

Baby had a 20 MB hard drive – adequate for my needs, but hardly impressive in these days of other laptops with five times her capacity. She came with a 256 Ram, but I upgraded and gave her a full GB, which was a wise move. Baby was a fast machine, and I got a lot of use out of her in the short time she was with us.

I didn’t store a lot of stuff in Baby. The biggest loss, if I remember correctly, is my calendar, which I had planned out for the year, with my various work schedules, upcoming appointments, birthdays and other important days. There are a few writing projects that I was working on, but they were in the preliminary stages of development, so that’s not a big loss.

What hurts the most is that I was really hit hard by this. When I figured out that Baby had departed to that recycle bin in the sky, I couldn’t stand up for a minute or two. I was gasping for air, and there may have actually been a few tears in my eyes.

I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn’t get attached to material stuff, but with the loss of Baby, I was devastated.

My wife has taken the blame for Baby’s bath, but I’m not so sure that it was her fault. I don’t know the details of how that soda got into and under Baby, but no matter what happened, it was just a stupid accident, and as bad as I feel about the loss, I’m not angry and I think trying to find someone to blame is a waste of energy.

I will get another laptop, and soon. When I bought Baby, I was eligible for a rather large rebate check. With that, and with some extra work I’ve picked up in the past few weeks, I plan on getting another computer.

This may put a crimp in some other plans I was considering, though. I can’t afford to replace Baby and do these things, so I have some choices to make.

But enough of this. I have phone calls to make and two interviews this afternoon. Baby made my newspaper work easier, but I got along without her before, and I have get back out there today.

No Joy In Mayfield



Bad news, fellow TriviaTeers: I won't be registering our trivia team Worried About The Beaver for KVSC's big marathon this year.

It turns out that due to some completely inverted priorities, Sherry and Brad are going to be celebrating Sherry's daughter's nuptuals on February 14th -- the day after trivia. For some odd reason, they think that it's more important to be there for Sherry's daughter and help plan stuff than it is to play trivia all weekend.


Without them, we really don't have a team. I hope everything goes well with the wedding, and that next year, we'll all be Worried About The Beaver again.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do this year. I've played this game for 17 years, on one team or another, and some of our online folks still want to play via the chatroom I set up every year.

I've sent word to a rival team, the Neo-Maxi Zoom Dweebies, letting them know that I'm a free agent this year, and some of our online guys are willing to play, but I haven't heard from them yet.

Another option is for me to volunteer at KVSC answering phones and helping in the production studio.

We'll see.

Donald Rumsfeld: Sith or Jedi?

Okay, now this is funny. I'm not a guy who runs around putting down members of the Bush administration. I don't agree with a lot of what they do, but I respect their offices.

But come on...this picture is a hoot. If I had something to give away for prizes, I would have a caption contest. My top three captions are:

"This will scare the pigment right out of your forehead!"

"Observe while I make Pat Robertson look like a psychotic maniac!"

"You see weapons of mass destruction!"

What would your caption be?

Blog Stuff
I haven't been blogging for a few days, because I've had a difficult time comingup with something suitable to follow my previous post about AngryTeen's mother dying.

I have a few things I'd like to blog about, but it just felt ... unseemly ... to do so.

By the way, thanks for people who wrote me in support of AngryTeen at this time. She appreciates the good wishes, and she's planning on getting in touch with the good folks who have sent her cards and other stuff. She's a little slow about this normally, but I've encouraged her to get on this soon.

I think enough time has passed that I can get back to regular stuff now.

My Motherless Child
There are a lot of bullets that parents wish they could take for their children, and today my daughter took one that hit her right in the heart:

Her mother died this morning.

Her mother has been sick for some time. The last time I saw her was a couple of weeks ago, when we took Angryteen and her sibs on a Christmas shopping trip. She was sick then, and it only got worse. There was a brief stay in the hospital, a few days at home and then back to the hospital yesterday.

There's not a lot to say about this, except that my kid is devastated.

I can only say that I'm glad that she didn't die on Christmas Day or Eve, as that would really sour the kids even more.

After I hung up the phone, a song crept into my head, and I found myself humming and singing it. It's an old Negro Spritual lament called Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child:

Sometimes I feel
Like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel
Like a motherless child
A Long Way From Home

Sometimes I wish I could fly,
Like a bird up in the sky
Sometimes I wish I could fly,
Like a bird in the sky
Little closer to home

Motherless children
Have a real hard time
Motherless children
Have a such a real hard time
So long so long so long

Sometimes I feel
Like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel
Like a motherless child
So far away

Sometimes I feel
Like freedom is near
Sometimes I feel
Like freedom is near
But we're so far away

Sometimes I feel
Like it's close at hand
Sometimes I feel
Like the freedom is near
But we're so far from home

Sometimes, sometimes,
Sometimes
So far, so far, so far,
So far Mama from you, so far

More Movie Madness
Most Paitent Wife and I went to a couple of movies today: We saw The Family Stone (a solid but predictable movie with some fun moments) and Syriana.

Syriana was good but about as bleak as you can get. Clooney really did a great job; in fact, all of the actors really came through. It's a tough movie to watch, but I thought it was really something. MPW said the same thing.

I wish I was this funny.
I watched Saturday Night Live recently, and the show featured a video of a couple of white guys rapping about their trip to see The Chronicles of Narnia.

I thought it was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

You can watch it here:

SNL Narnia Rap Video

BIG K ONG
Okay, I'll admit it: I've never seen the original version of King Kong in its entirety. It's one of those movies that I've seen bits and pieces of several times, as it has appeared on TV over the years.

But I knew the story, and I knew the ending, so I didn't really care too much.

Most Patient Wife and I went to see Peter Jackson's version of the movie, and let me tell you up front that it's everything the critics say it is: stupendous, fantastic, sensational, incredible. If you want the short edition of this review of the movie, you can stop reading here. But there's more.



The movie was pretty good. I really had a lot of fun in certain parts of it, but to tell the truth it dragged in a few areas for me. But I don't think it's all Jackson's fault.

In fact, I blame James Cameron. Because my problems with Kong are the same I had with Titanic. And the Lord of the Rings. And later with the Spider-man movies: it's too big. There's too much in there that has little or nothing to do with the story.

Now, Cameron's Titanic may not be the first extreme movie, but it stands out to me as the the first big excessive epic that took a simple story and decompressed it, making it a bloated, effects-ridden cinematic parasite that lives off the plot of the story.

In the original movie, Kong fights a dinosaur or two. In this movie, that's not enough. We have to see Kong battle so many dinosaurs (in a manner that is reminiscent of professional wrestling) that after a couple of minutes of it, I stopped being impressed and just wished that they would get on with the story already.

He's big. He's strong. He fights with passion to defend the girl. Cool. We get it. Now let's move on.

All of that aside, there is a lot to like about this movie. The CGI of Kong is amazing. He looked big, powerful, vulnerable, happy and sad as the moment allowed. He was triumphant and tragic, just as I knew he would be.

The real treat of this movie, I felt, was the acting. MPW and I were talking about this, and I have to say that I belived all of the human characters of this film.

Ann Darrow as played by Naomi Watts was luminescent. And I'm not just talking about her looks. (Although I have to say that her skimpy costume deserves a Best Supporting nomination, because I swear her breasts were immobile in spite of a whole lot of body movement.)

Jack Black's portrayal of Carl Denham rang true for me, but I wished that he had paid a real price for his folly. It seems to me that he got off rather lightly considering everything he did.

Hayes, the first mate of the ship, was a guy I liked a lot. He was smart, tough, heroic and fun to watch.

There were a lot of fun moments of the film, and some truly scary bits as well. Without giving anything away, keep an eye out for the island people who board the boat; it was incredible.

All in all, I wish the movie was smaller. It felt to me that the reason most of the effects were in Kong merely because we now have the technology to create them.

Maybe it's that I'm a writer, but I really want more focus on story, plot and character -- and less on spectacle.

But go see it. There's enough fun to offset what I think are flaws in the storytelling.

On The Road Again
I'm taking a short break before heading home and going to bed for the day. I drove AngryTeen up north a ways to visit her grandparents, and on the way back I decided to stop in a few places in area towns to give out business cards to see if I can drum up some interviews for my newspaper assignment.

No luck. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to basically give away free space in the paper!

I worked at my group home job last night, so I'm pretty tired right now. I started my shift at 10 PM and it's noon as I type this.

Just about everyone with a blog has told the world what they got for Christmas, so I might as well do the same:

Most Patient Wife gave me an iPod Nano, a nice leather jacket and something else that I am spacing out right now due to lack of sleep. And a nice fleece sweatshirt from The World's Least Intimidating Health Club.

AngryTeen gave me a shirt. She gave MPW a nice Crhistmas ornament of her favorite Disney character -- Piglet. (Who, I must say, is severely under-represented in Pooh-related merchandise.)

I gave MPW some lotion from Bath and Body Works, and some CDs. But I was really happy to give her something great: I am taking her out to a bunch of plays and concerts next year. I bought a bunch of tickets to some shows that fit into our schedules and put them in a cheesy little purse-sized calendar.

The first show is The Rainmaker, in January. In February, I'm taking her to see the Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company one weekend, and later in the month, a concert by the local orchestra.

March will find us in the audience of The Hornheads, a group that worked with Prince for a long time.

In April, we're heading up to Duluth to see David Sedaris in concert and spending a night or two in my favorite city in the world.

The opera version of The Elephant Man is making its US premiere in May, and we're going.

I didn't plan anything for June, because MPW will be just finishing the school year, and I want to keep our options open. She has friends who live in another state, and she might want to take a trip there.

In July, the Broadway version of Wicked (the tale of the Wizard of Oz told from the witch's perspective) comes to Minnesota, and we're going.

August brings the state fair and the Renaissance Festival, and I'll bring her to whichever she chooses.

And from there, we'll just have to see. I want to take MPW out to a musical or theatrical event at least once per month. I bought as many of the tickets as I could -- some aren't available yet -- and the shows I don't have tickets for I bought CDs.

I love what I got for Christmas (I'm a little baffled as to how to use the iPod but I'll figure it out in the next few days when I've caught up on my sleep) but I can't tell you how exciting it was to put MPW's gift together over the past couple of months. I got a little stressed out a couple of times -- what if she doesn't like it? -- but it was all worth it!

AngryTeen didn't do too badly, either. She got a boom box, a lot of clothes, some books and a "Speech Meet Survival Kit" -- a duffel bag stuffed with travel-sized toiletries, a little pillow and a fleece blanket. She also got a class ring and a yearbook, which I insist is part of Christmas.

Even the kitties scored this year: we got them a multi-level perch, one of those things made of PVC piping and covered in carpet. Ginger, AKA Action Kitty, took up residence in the middle section and Lovey Gump likes to jump up to the top level and torment Ginger by batting her tail. They also got some primo catnip and a couple of other kitty toys.

We had a nice dinner on Christmas Day, and I have to say this was just about the best Christmas of my whole life. I am blessed with a wonderful wife and a daughter who is becoming a young woman right before my eyes. We all have our health, and gainful employment.

If there's more to ask for in this life, I can't imagine what it is.

But don't say anything to my wife about all of this. I have a reputation as a Christmas Crab to maintain.

The Ringer
Most Patient Wife and I went to see The Ringer, a movie about a guy pretending to be mentally disabled so he can compete in the Special Olympics.

It stars the incredibly obnoxious (and talent-challenged) Johnny Knoxville, and I was prepared to hate it.

But the folks who run the Special Olympics gave this movie their blessing, and it turns out that they even had a hand in producing it.

The movie has its ups and downs, including an ending that is about as believable as Santa Claus. But it has a lot of charm, and some very funny moments.

The best parts of The Ringer are the scenes with actors who are disabled. Some of these actors have Down's Syndrome, or varying degrees of mental retardation, or other developmental and physical disabilities.

There are a couple of actors without disabilities that are portaying characters with disabilities as well, but the result is a mice mix of humanity and humor -- and a surprising amount of authenticity.

As someone who has spent a good deal of his life working with people like this, I have to say that the writers Got It Right. Some of the characters are arrogant jerks, some are stubborn and silly, some are just good guys. Just like folks without disabilities.

Too many movies that have characters with disabilities in them treat those characters as angelic simpletons, somehow wiser than the audience, full of virtue and without fault.

The Ringer doesn't do that. There is some high brow, low brow and just plain sophomoric humor in this movie, but the characters are treated with respect.

Most Patient Wife and I both endorse this movie. It was fun! AngryTeen found a lot to laugh at, as well. Go see it.