Setting the world ablaze
On Saturday morning, I got off work at my group home job and took a different route home. Instead of taking the direct highway, the road took me past a beautiful little lake. I've lived in this area for 20 years, and I've known where this place was, but I've never been there before.

It was 8:12 AM, and the sun was shining, the temp about 70 degrees, and I was sitting at a public access lot off the shore of a wonderful lake. Suzanne Vega was singing about heartache on KVSC, and a retired couple were playing with their golden retriever. He was a big dog, mature with a slightly gray muzzle and thick, muscular legs. He was almost shaking with excitement, waiting for action.

The woman would throw a ball into the water, and the dog would bound in, swim after it and wait for her signal to bring it back to shore. Her husband stood behind her and rubbed her shoulders. I could tell that they were a little cold in the morning air, and the dog kept coming up on the beach and soaking them with sprays of water as he shook out his coat.

I watched this first from my car, then on the shore, and then on a dock that stretched out thirty feet into the lake. I think this was about the most peaceful quarter hour I've spent in a long, long time.

I had two thoughts:

1. This was about as perfect as a moment gets for me. The one thing I missed was that my wife wasn't with me.

2. Wowzers, I'm boring and old.

Yesterday's Technology Tomorrow
You may remember that I got my cell phone wet a few weeks back and was forced to buy another. Given that this was my third cell phone in a year and I didn't want to spend much money, I went to Ebay and found one for $20. The thing works just fine.

But it's at least five years old, which means that it's been obsolete for about four years. I believe that at one time, this was a cutting edge piece of communication technology. But trust me: this phone is so last yesterday.

People snicker and point at me when I use it public. The ring (with a choice of four -- count them!-- four) sounds to choose from is so tinny that the phone sounds like a kid's pretend cell phone.

The look of disgust on the faces of passersby who hear Mozart clinking from my little phone is pretty disheartening. It's a good thing I'm married; chicks would never dig a guy who carried a phone this out of date.

In a fit of nostalgia, I dug my previously baptized Nokia out of the drawer of my nightstand and hit the power button. Wonder of wonders, it came on!

I immediately made plans to ditch the Ebay Special and rejoin the 21st century, but then remembered that my Nokia has a major problem: the earpiece doesn't work, and if I want to talk on it, I have to use the speakerphone.

Maybe people aren't pointing and snickering at the phone, after all.

So the plan is to send the Nokia in for repair and keep the Ebay Special activated until I get it back. Then I'll have a backup phone for the inevitable.

Cuz you just know I'll get my phone wet again. And when I do, I'll be able to stay in touch with the people of this century with Yesterday's Technology Tomorrow.

Dude, Where's My Montage?
Everyone has a set of rules that they live their lives by, and I'm no exception. I think I've worked my way up to 106 rules, and someday I'm going to write them all down for the edification of all and sundry.

But for today, I'll give you just a couple:

Rule For Life #1:
People Are Dumb.

Rule For Life #2:
If you want to be rich, capitalize on Rule #1.

There are a whole bunch more, some sarcastic, some funny, some tragic -- all true in their way.

I would love to see other people's rules for life, but since I'm the one writing this, I guess we're stuck with what I've come up with and here's the the one for today:

Rule For Life #106:
Unless you're in a movie, you don't get a montage.

I took the plunge and joined a little health club. I won't name it here, because I know people who go there. If you saw the movie Dodgeball, this club is similar to the one operated by Vince Vaughn's's character. It's clean and okay, but it's not very upscale. And the clientele is made up of a lot of different types of people. And it has a snack bar that serves pizza and beer. I'm not kidding.

Sure, there are a few people in the place that look like models, but there are just as many fat people, old folks, little kids and just ordinary people who want to workout or swim, or even tan.

I consider this to be the World's Least Intimidating Health Club (TM).

I've visited a couple of times to just get the feel of the place and swim a little and soak in the hot tub. But this morning, on my way home from work, I stopped in for an actual workout. As I hit the showers before going in for a soak, it occurred to me that if this were a movie, my character would probably get a montage about this time.

You know... a montage. Every sports movie (or movies with makeovers that macho guys like me would never ever ever watch), the main character reaches a point where they have to make changes in their lives. This is usually epitomized by going to a gym, or running up steps and smacking around some hanging beef in a cooler, or buying cool clothes or what have you.

And as the character goes through those motions, some rock anthem is playing in the background and we see the person getting stronger, losing weight, looking cooler, gaining confidence -- all in about three and a half minutes. As the music does a slow fade, we see the transformed character ready to pound the crap out of Clubber Lang, or get the girl, or drive a car around in a circle really fast or something like that.

Man, I wish I could have a montage. But standing in the shower, I conjured up a vision of the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld saying, "No montage for you!"

Perhaps that's why you see so many people who work out or run listening to music on a tape or CD player, or some MP3 device.

Maybe we're all looking for montage.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N ...sing it with me.
21 July

Well, it's been a while since my last post. There has been some stuff going on, primarily a family vacation to visit Most Patient Wife's folks. As always, we had a great time, and here are the highlights of the trip in no particular order:

1. The Omaha Zoo. Okay, I'll admit that I'm not much of a zoo guy. But I've seen a bunch of them all over this country and also in Germany, and I think that the Omaha facility is one of the best I've ever seen. From the overhead shark tank to the incredible desert dome (an artificial environment that approximates the conditions, flora and fauna of five different deserts), to the amazing primate displays, this zoo has just about everything. We were there for about three hours, and would have stayed longer but we were on a schedule. We saw about half the zoo.

One tip for visiting this place: it closes at 5PM. So if you want to go, I suggest getting there early. We are planning to go back in the next few months, with some friends in tow. I think it may actually take two days to see the whole thing.

2. Finally meeting up with the Marvelous Miss Marcia. Let me just say that I was lucky enough to have dinner with the two hottest babes in Lincoln, Nebraska. (My wonderful wife, naturally, being one.) MPW and I have known The Marvelous One longer than we have been married, and it was so good to see her. Now, if I could only get her to come up for Trivia next year...

3. Visiting historic Pipestone, Minnesota. Pipestone, Minnesota What a cool town! We are definitely heading back there soon.

4. See the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The visuals of this movie are everything you might expect from a Tim Burton film, and Depp's portrayal of Willy Wonka was fascinating. There are several moments in the film that are pictographs of previous Burton movies, and I had a lot of fun picking them out. Johnny Depp seemed to be channeling Frances McDormand in his line delivery at times -- especially Marge Gunderson, from Fargo. As I watched the movie, it seemed to me that he was even mimicking her facial expressions as he was speaking. This movie is a psychedelic trip of wonder, and highly recommended by everyone in our party.

5. Our trip to Wichita's old west attraction, the Old Cowtown Museum. According to their website, Old Cowtown Museum is a unique, 25 acre open-air living history museum which interprets the history of Wichita and Sedgwick County, and life on the southern plains, circa 1865 to 1880. We spent a few hours there, and a good time was had by all.

I was happy to get home to our kitties and my recliner, but every time we visit MPW's folks, it gets harder to leave.

Time Warp
As of last night, I've rejoined the 21st century.

A couple of weeks ago, I accidentally destroyed my cell phone by getting it wet. Yes, it is my third phone within a year. I lost my first one, and got the second wet. I'm looking for a waterproof phone.

I found a cheap phone on Ebay and it came in the mail yesterday. It's a couple of years old, but it works well. So if you have my cell number, feel free to call me.

Note to stalkers: did you really think I was going to put my cell number on my blog? Bwah hah hah!

Big Day Ahead
6 July

Our house is about to be Visited. Strange men are coming here today to fix various and sundry things.

First up is the cable company. We have had problems with cable and Internet for a couple of weeks, and after hemming and hawing and stalling, they are coming over today -- between 9 AM and noon -- to "squeeze us in" and see if there is something they can do about about our crappy reception and the fact that not all the channels we pay for are coming into the house.

About noon, the glass guy is coming to replace a pane in our library that was busted by a flying rock. That rock was chucked at our house by an industrial-strength riding lawn mower about fifty yards from our house.

Here's what happened: Most Patient Wife and I were trying to take a late-morning nap when a crash and giant THUD came from the adjacent room. Glass was everywhere, and the middle pane of our window had a softball-sized hole in it.

We figured out what happened, and talked to the place across the street that employed the lawn mower guy. They are paying for a new window. The rock (named Rocky) has a place of prominence on one of library bookshelves.

Later this afternoon, a computer repair guy is coming out to look at our system. We've had a ton of problems with our computer the past few months, and I can't wait until we can once again do things like use our printer, listen to audio, and use the CDR-W drive. I'm also looking forward to having the computer go more than a half an hour without crashing.

So it's a busy day here. I'm also writing up two of my stories for the paper, and working on a new writing project I might say something about here. It's nothing more than an idea at this point, and I haven't found a way to give it legs yet.

So...what's up with you?

Yay. It's July Fourth.
4 July

Let me tell you why I hate most holidays. The weather here in Minnesota is mild and pleasant today, on the Fourth of July, and that means people are out in droves enjoying the lakes and streams and tourist-y type things. I like people just fine and I even enjoy spectacle sometimes – especially when there’s a spontaneous gathering of people and things get a little crazy.

But I don’t like parades. I don’t care for fireworks. I don’t like giant crowds of people all rushing to get in or to somewhere, all in a hurry to get the best spot. So when someone asks me what I want to do for a holiday, I say something like “stay at home” or “go to a movie” or “go to a friend’s house”. I meant it the other day when I said that this year’s Father’s Day was the best ever, and all we did was boat around a strange lake in rented pontoon. I took a nap while we were on the water. It was perfect.

People always tell me that I’m supposed to do something on these Important Days, and I have to admit that I feel a little guilty because I’m not doing Something Big, or spending money at some giant sale, or traveling somewhere and standing in a field staring up at the sky and seeing stuff I’ve already seen fifty times before.

But I just don’t want to. I want to be with my wife, doing stuff we like to do. So here’s what we did today:

I read a couple of books. Not great books, or important books, but fun ones. I finished up Edna Buchanan’s Shadows, the latest in her series of cops who form the Cold Case Squad in Miami. I started it late last night and finished it up this morning.

Then I got all of 4th of July by James Patterson read. It’s the latest in his series of his “Women’s Murder Club” books. I don’t think Patterson actually writes these any more; he’s got a ‘co-author’ that has worked with him on the last two books in this series.

I just picked up a book by Larry McMurtry that I’ve had for a long time but haven’t read yet: Zeke and Ned. It’s a long book with small type, so I expect that I will take a day or two to finish it. Not that I mind. I re-read McMurtry's stuff all the time. At this moment, he's my favorite writer.

Most Patient Wife has spend the day reading, too. So has AngryTeen, who is now watching TV.

We played a game of two-handed Spades, in which I totally trounced Most Patient Wife. Usually she kicks my butt, but today I got lucky.

We grilled burgers and brats. I’m using a charcoal grill this year, and I am still relearning how to use it after a few years of gas grilling. I like both, but the convenience of gas grilling puts it a little ahead of charcoal for me.

And finally, Most Patient Wife and AngryTeen want to go to the fireworks show, so I’m going. But I ain’t a-gonna like it.

Tomorrow I have a couple of interviews lined up for my newspaper stories, and I have other business In Town, so I’ll be away from home most of the day. I’ve got a busy week ahead of me. I’ll post here as I can.

Woo. Reading. Taking a nap in a pontoon on a lake. We Sawins really live it up, huh?

First June Post
It’s been about three weeks since my last post. Frankly, I’ve not felt like writing entries. But the prodding of a couple of people who won’t be named and the encouragement of JD's Blog JD Long have brought me back to the keyboard.

There have been a few ups and downs the past few weeks.

The downs: I have low-grade but persistent neck pain that is driving me nuts. I could take pain killer for it, but I don’t want to get into that habit. The worst part of it is that the pain interferes with my sleep. After a couple of hours of lying down, I wake up stiff and sore. And crabby. I sometimes nap in my recliner, but it’s not deep sleep.

The best sleep I’ve had in the past month was on Father’s Day. In fact, I’m putting this year’s Father’s Day down as the Best Ever. More details in a bit.

My job at the coffeehouse ended three weeks ago. They “eliminated the position” – and to be honest, it’s probably a good thing I’m not there. The management style of the folks in charge was infuriating to say the least. But the fact is that I loved that job so much that if I were ever to win a lottery, I’d open up my own place and bake every day of the week.

The part that bugs me the most is that I really gave that job everything I had and they let me go anyway. The managers and owners were disrespectful to me, and drove me nuts. But I got along with most of the staff and as I said, I really loved the work. The worst part of it was that everyone on the staff knew before I did. Wowzers, do I hate that.

Another bad part of this is that the owners are prominent members of the arts community in this small town, and they are on the board of the local community theatre. There’s no way I’ll ever be able to work that organization now. So that means I can’t do theatre here, I won’t go to the only place in town with decent coffee, and I no longer have the income from a part time job. And my best efforts were rejected by people I wanted very much to get along with.

See why I haven’t felt like posting lately?

The highs have been pretty good lately, though. I’ll start with Father’s Day. Now, if someone were to ask me what I would like to do for Father’s Day, I would probably say one of the following:

* Watch a favorite movie, like Lonesome Dove, or Little Big Man, or any of the Zatoichi Blind Swordsman movies.
* Spend a few hours on the computer, perhaps playing Runescape or something.
* Go to Duluth and see Lake Superior.


But just to show how wise and thoughtful Most Patient Wife is, she came up with something I would never have thought up on my own: we rented a pontoon and spent the day boating. We packed a bunch of our favorite snack stuff and went to the lake.
Remember when I mentioned at the beginning of this post that this was the Best Father’s Day ever?

AngryTeen and I splashed around in the water for a bit, but most of the day was spent just tooling around the lake. And the day culminated with a most wonderful nap: I lay down on an inflatable mattress and dozed for an hour or so as we were anchored in a little cove. It was the deepest, most satisfying sleep I’ve had in recent memory. MPW read a book and AngryTeen had a nap of her own.

It was exactly what I needed. And even though I didn’t even know it, it was exactly what I wanted! Is my wife cool, or what?

Another high point of late has been in regards to the writing stuff with the newspaper. I’m still frustrated about the non-compete stuff, but the writing goes well and I’m learning new stuff with every piece.

Last week, we had some friends over and had a great time playing Sequence and watching The Iron Giant. We have a lot of kid-friendly movies, which came in handy for our friend’s four year-old kid.

MPW made a big batch of her famous jambalaya, as well as cornbread, fruit salads, and cherry cobbler. All that food was needed to replenish ourselves because we started the day with a hike the lake at (sort of) well-known St. John’s University. We ate, we played, we hiked, and it was a wonderful day.

So that’s what I’ve been doing lately. I’ve logged quite a few hours reading as well. My next entry will be about the stuff I’ve been reading.

What I'm Reading
I've been rather busy lately, but I've still taken time to read. I read every day, from dozens of websites to a couple of newspapers to books. I haven't read any fiction lately, unless you count a couple of books from rabid radio talk show host Michael Savage.

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I'm reading his books The Savage Nation and The Enemy Within. Savage's political rhetoric is rather dangerous -- just enough fact sprinkled in with the outright hatred to make what he says seem plausible.

I'm also slugging my way through some books by "America's Master Gardener" Jerry Baker. Now that I'm a landed homeowner, it's time I learn how to take care of a lawn and garden the right way.

Good Writing Day
Being addled by both allergies and allergy medicine didn't stop me from working today. I wrote three guest editorials that will be published a couple eof weeks, and a smaller story as well.

So, it was a good writing day today. Combine the income derived from these pieces, a shift at the coffeehouse and then on the overnight at the group home, and today was a good money day as well.