A Pet Peeve
You know what really bugs me?

I hate when you know someone has a problem with you, but that person tells everyone who will listen – except you.

I hate it when people come to me and say that this person said this or that about me, only to find when I go to the source that they won’t tell me what the problem is.

They even deny that there’s a problem.

I was in a play a few million years ago where a director did this very thing. Before rehearsal, I would go to the director and tell him some ideas I had for my character and ask him if it was okay to try them out.

“Well I think that’s just fine, Michael,” he would say. After rehearsal the director would give notes to the actors about what just happened. He never gave me a note. Normally, that’s a sign that the director liked what you did.

But just before I would leave the theater, someone would come up to me and tell me the director didn’t like this or that part of my work. They would give me detailed notes (gratefully received, by the way) about what the director would want me to do next rehearsal.

The next day, it was the same thing. To my face, everything was fine. Behind my back, there was a problem.

I hate that. I mean, really hate that.

I face a similar situation right now. Someone I know has a problem with me and has told everyone but me about it.

Since this is someone I have to deal with, I thought I should face the situation head-on. I went to this person and tried to put everything on the table, only to have him deny there was a problem at all. Everyone else is lying, he said.

I told him that if there really is a problem, that’s okay. We can work around it, but please stop going to other people and come directly to me. After all, we’re both adults. We both are about the same age, about the same experience, and we have a lot in common. We can work this out, I said. And he agreed.

It may surprise you to know that this has actually made the problem worse. It’s almost to the point where I’m going to have to rearrange things as to avoid this person.

That drives me crazy.